.sara.

i was brought up with the notion that family comes first. they’re the people you don’t choose to be with, the ones that god placed you with. they’re the ones that know you for your whole life, who’ve seen your absolute worst moments that you would never want anyone to know about. they’re the people that you can fight and argue with countless times, but they’ll still be there no matter what. my family is so important to me, and i’ve been blessed to have a freakishly close-knit family. it makes me so sad to see a member of my family drift away towards a person who is trying to destroy the bonds that we have. and no matter what i or anyone else does, it doesn’t get any better. i will always defend my family and put them first. when i started dating my boyfriend, i told him that if my family does not approve then we wouldn’t be able to be in a relationship because my family is a permanent part of my life and i trust their judgement. and now i have to sit and watch while someone comes in and pulls someone i love very much away from the family that knows and loves them so dearly. and i can’t do anything about it. and it truly breaks my heart. i just pray that this person realizes what this is doing to our family and to our relationship. i pray that they receive clarity and the ability to see things the way they really are. i pray that person knows that they are beautiful, intelligent, witty, caring, and deserve the absolute best in life. i pray that they aren’t afraid of being alone, because this person will never really be alone. becuase myself and my family will always be here. always. and i pray that this person sees themself in the eyes of god, as a precious, wonderful person that is worth dying for. nothing less.

so for spring semester, tuesdays sucked. mostly because i had a good 2 1/2 hours to kill between classes then had to go to a boring 3 hour class. now it is summer. tuesdays still suck. they are boring for some reason. today i got so bored that i moved my shelves and turned my bed around. i don’t even have money to go to del taco. sad. but i do have much more floor space now.

endorphins make you happy.” i think elle was right. or maybe it’s a combination of several things. either way, i’m incredibly content. i still don’t have a job, i’ve been applying like crazy. i don’t know where i’m going to school next year. but i finally feel like everything’s gonna work out ok. i think i’m ok with not having complete control over everything in life. i mean, i have a really good life. i have a freakishly tight knit family, great friends, the world’s sweetest boyfriend, and i live in a house with air conditioning. i’ll get a job when it’s the right fit. i have time to figure out my life. and i have workout buddies! exciting! i’m for sure gonna wig out every once in a while, and jeff will have to calm me down. but for now, i’m good. 

“stress and worry wreak of arrogance.” -francis chan

so in my anthropology of religion class we just finished studying new religious movements which included cults. our final project is to basically create a cult and try to convert people. i think mine is gonna be david bowie-centric. partly because i’m pretty sure no one else will do the same thing and partly because i like the idea of having a 1987 version of yourself and a 1989 labyrinth version of yourself and not having anyone question it. it seems fun. any thoughts?

and they all fell through. today i hate the world. i did absolutely nothing productive because i spent the whole day waiting. i feel the need to punch someone in the face.

again. i keep getting sick, it’s gotten pretty ridiculous. i was talking to my friend and we discovered a pattern. i get sick when someone i’m close to has some sort of crisis. i let their problems stress me out and affect me too much, it’s like they become my problems. which is dumb. because my life is actually quite un-complicated. so i need to take the advice of stacy and clinton, tyra, my mama, and my dear ashleigh and stop letting other people’s issues affect me and start taking care of myself. because being sick all the time is terribly inconvenient.

i’m pretty sure i just got a job at an event place. i’ll be security at proms. what? “hey horny teenagers, stop having sex on the dance floor”. gross. o well, it pays. also, i really want to check out a messianic jewish service and a regular jewish service and compare them.

how to “like” things. i feel kinda dumb. but wouldn’t it be great if everything had a little heart in the corner and you can just go around liking things.